Part 2: Teenage Beer Snob

Part 2: Teenage Beer Snob:

So, thus exposed at age 10 to what the world of beer could be, I grew more disdainful of American beers. If the Germans could produce a tasty amber lager, there was no excuse for American brewers not to do the same. But, no. They seemed willfully committed to producing thin, watery, almost flavorless swill. Why do that to beer!?!  It made no sense to me.

Fortunately, enough European commentators made similar conclusions about American beer, to reinforce my perception. My favorite was a sketch by Monty Python in which an Australian jokes: “Why is American beer like making love in a canoe?” Answer: “Because it’s f@#$ing close to water!” Prejudice, confirmed.

Still, since I was too young to drink regularly, I suppose it was a moot point. And yet, my youthful sensibility was still offended. Not willing to suffer silently, I began to lash out at poor unsuspecting victims. Since my dad made an effort to at least make the best of a bad situation by purchasing the more tolerable offerings the northwest could produce, I couldn’t really go after him.

Instead, my favorite target became my Uncle Kirk. Uncle Kirk is a good-natured, pun-enthusiast and academic, and he had a robust enough ego to accept my beer rants with good humor. While I would issue the occasional barb over the presence of Miller or Coors in his refrigerator, my most scathing critiques were always targeted at the more typical presence of Budweiser.

From the age of about 13 onward, whenever we visited him I would make a point of looking in the ‘fridge to see what was on there. I think that at times when he knew we were coming, he would intentionally purchase a 6-pack of Bud, just to rile me up. Occasionally, he’d even offer one, knowing that I would refuse with a hearty scoff.

This kept up through my teen years. At some point in my later teen years, I think that my condescension began to get to him.  In an effort to shut me up, he proposed that when I turned 21, we would have a beer tasting contest to settle the matter once and for all. The prize: bragging rights for life. Even if it meant  a concerted effort to engage in extensive extralegal drinking, I vowed to be prepared.